yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
