Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
