Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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