What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Even my vagina gasped.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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