I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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