Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
