the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
even my farts smell like vagina
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
