My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
