did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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