i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
