I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
