dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
