you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
