she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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