he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
