pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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