Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
