We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
