this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
