You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
