don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
