That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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