I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
