if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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