I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
