4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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