who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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