I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
