I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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