I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
