Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
