i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
