THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
