So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
