Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
