Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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