I can tuck mytits in my pants
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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