I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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