I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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