Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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