Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
