Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
