i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
