Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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