were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
