I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
