Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
