I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
