well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
