but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
one might say we're banned from that church
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
