I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize