i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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