You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
