Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
