I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
