then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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