sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize