Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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