There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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